HApPiE hAllOwEen..!!!
now i wish to dress like a witch and go parade around the estate.. lOlx..!!!
anyway.. 4 days to my GP paper..
8 days to chem p3.. 9 days to maths p1..
argh.. i'm going mad..!

truly frustrated...!!
argh.. i just want to study..!!!
but can't concentrate..
and i can stop myself from binge eating.. -_-||
StrEsSeD..
toked to daddy..
today's their 16mths..
hAppY mONthsARy dAdDy anD mUmMy!!(or wadeva it is spelt as)
hai.. reminded me that.. if we're still together.. it'll be our 15th month in 6 days.. hai.. kept reminded of this thing today.. morning was looking at the A levels time table.. and saw the small red heart thingy i drew at the top left corner of the 26th square.. should have liquided it away long ago.. but i didn't..
its been almost 2 mths since we broke up.. why am i still thinking of this stuff..? not that i love him anyway.. and i'm not regretting.. i'm just thinkin.. wad will happen if we're still together.. oh.. my.. seem quite erm.. disgusting..? or just can't be imagined...? nah..
brainwash me please..
hai.. been staring at the same page since dunno when.. damn it..
i hate myself..

just watch a show called il mare on the tv..
its a korean movie and this is my second time watching it..
it's a really beautiful show..
after watching it.. i begin to think that well..
life is beautiful..
hee.. i kinda like this kind of show..
its bout this girl..
she's living in yr 2000 and she communicates with a guy that lives in yr 1998..
its very romanic..! and i like the ending.. haha.. cause i hate sad endings..
so ppl out there.. if u haven watch it.. go grab the vcd..! its damn nice..~
oppz. i think i'm mad.. supposed to be studying isn't it..
10 days to A levels.. -_-||

finally settling down to study...
still had my that spinning headache till like 9pm..
bathe for bout half an hour..
think cause i use that extra hot water hor..
den shower my head.. den the blood all rush to my head..
so the headache is finally gone..!! =)
did 20 mcq questions today.. haha..~
that's like the only work i've done since dunno when lohz.. hee..
at least i'm doing work isn't it..?
need to finish my physical chem this weekend..
yupz.. that's it..! jia you..!

was kinda stuck with some virus..
got this headache since evening..
maybe its some food poisoning from seek's steamboat..
o.O? lOlx.. cause she say she vomited after that..
or maybe its because i popped into a air-con room sweaty from the glaring sun.. but i changed..!!!
had a nice time K-ge-ing yesterday..
was supposed to meet jeremy to study today..
but i was late.. for one hour..
and i lost my wallet on the way..
only to be found 15 mins later.. haha..
i was in this super sad mood when this RV boy approached me and say.. "hey.. i found ur wallet and handed it over to the control station.."
woAh..~ really lucky lehz..
not alot of kind ppl nowadays..
and somemore i got forty bucks in that purse...!
(okie.. maybe its praise God..)
now.. back to that jeremy.. he arh..
forgot about our study date..!!
called back when i was about to satisfy my empty stomach..
telling me he's still in school.. and just finish playing soccer.. and completely forgotten bout us suppose to be studying.. -_-||
haiz.. heng i meet junhao sia..! at least got ppl accompany me..
we went to mac and TRIED to study..
end up toking cock till 7... haiz..
den finally i asked to go home.. because i was feeling damn weak..
my head is heavy.. my limbs like jelly..
damn sick.. so i went home and slp...
SLP..
(actually i typed this on 14 oct.. but nvm lahz.. =P)

GueSs wAd..
i didn't wake up to be a panda..
i just become a panda overnight...
haha.. i chit chatted with junhao till sky brightens..
we were on the phone for 5.5 hours..
talked about every possible thing in the world man..
and when dawn break, i was very hungry...!
so the two of us decided to meet for breakfast.. haha..
but hor.. although i was very hungry.. i couldn't finish that bowl of tao suan..
gastric pain like siao sia..!!! den this junhao suddenly took my bowl and eat my leftover tao suan...! i was shocked..! lolx.. my eyeballs almost dropped out lohz.. where got ppl just take and eat one arh? and somemore he's a guy.. i'm a girl lohz.. he should get another spoon..!!
anyway.. we walk about batok.. like parading for his classmates to see lahz.. -_-||
he pei me wait for the bus.. so sweet.. but actually i think he just doesn't wan to go to school lahz...
i reach home den sleep le lohz..
den yuzhen's call woke me up.. ten plus le..
i sleep till the lAsT minute.. before jumping up and wash up and pack up and headed out.. that blur girl arh.. we've arranged to take 502 cause it passes by both our estates.. den i usually take from the second bus stop.. she never see me at the first bus stop den she got down..! den i boarded the bus to find that she's not there.. -_-|| in the end.. we ended up on 105.. den change to 111.. SLOW.. we finally arrived at PS.. got our favourite seats at the cafe.. (i forgot the name..)
i ordered lasagne..! YUMMY.. zhen ordered pizza..
i managed to finish my lasagne and half a slice of her pizza.. (tHAT's alot!!)
that girl arh.. only ate one piece of that pizza..!
wadeva lohz..~
today the cafe waffle half price sia..
and me this greedy pig of course cannot let the chance go by..
so i order waffle with strawberry..
DAMN NICE SIA! even nicer den gelare lehz..
den only 3 bucks..! wah..~
oPp.. i very tired now.. buay tahan le..
i need SLP..!!!
btw.. i just counted my sms.. at the rate i'm smsing..
1000 sms is NOT enough..!! i send like 100 a day... -_-||
wadeva.. cannot go on like that..
must scrimp..! and i need to save up for a lot of things arh..
like erm.. my prom night gown... haha..
and hmm.. my bangkok/malaysia trip(s)..!
hee.. crazy girl.. planning the holidays before the exams..
sLP firSt..!!!

met junhao today with gary..
hee.. they too are really funny..
keep on quarrelling like little kids..
make me feel quite comfortable being with them..
cause their happy spirits are really infectious!!
although i think that used to be my job..
infect ppl with the carefree spirit..
Oh! i also forgot..
today meet kok leong at the wedding dinner..!!
he become slimer since the last time i met him..!!
haha.. more handsome also.. =P
no.. i'm not thinking of anything.. haha..
anyway... shall not talk bout today..
tuesday den say lohz..
tuesday is my farewell...!!! i'm leaving school..
StuDy HArD!
tomolo meeting zhen..
tuesday is relax day.. singing KTV with linda and jars..
wednesday meeting jeremy..
thursday meeting jean..
and i'm gonna MUG hard!!! =)
stAce.. jIa YoU~

just visited amy's blog..
her grandma passed away..
everything was so unpredictable..!!
beside my neighbour that jumped to his death..
i have yet to experience any death yet
but i know its gonna be soon..
cause all my grandparents are older than 80..
and that time.. death brush by daddy...
now i'm kinda scared..
i guess its time to be serious..
serious for this breath that's still in me..

but wadeva lohz.. today
i skipped school as usually..
went to say advance happy birthday to yongjia..
he's face's so pink! haha =P
anyway.. went to coffee's place to teach him maths..
he needs more practice.. much more..
and CONCENTRATION.. i need it too!!!
the most important thing which i lack.. -_-||
madly hoping to be attached now..
not that i regret to that break up..
but.. i need someone by myside.. now..
how i wish to have a part time boyfriend..~
okie.. that's MADDNESS..!!!
haiz.. anyway..
tml i MUST go to school..
only been in school on monday..
i even skipped the mock exam on tues sia..~
wadeva lohz.. haiz...
SIANZ!!!!!

hmm..
skipped blogging for a few days..
cause really nothing to jot down..
today is also a boring day..
haha.. and i wake up at 4pm..
but i ate breakfast b4 going back to slp..
damn piggy!!
i studied for like 1 hour..
before i started playing those stupid computer games...
argh~~
i can't get myself settled down for the exam!!!
tml only have 4 stupid lectures..
and the day ends at 11:10..
i really dunno why i'm going to school for..
but wadeva it is.. i must go!
hmm.. force myself go lohz..
sianz..
but.. i'm not tired lehz...
nevertheless.. must force myself to sleep..
zZz...

its like 1:30 and i'm not asleep..
and i'm not sleepy!
been at this weird habit for quite awhile..
and been putting on weigh since..
(cause i kept eating suppers...!)
i need a change of lifestyle..
feeling weird since i broke up with alf..
friends kept asking if i'm going to consider a patch..
and that's of course NO..
and today.. was real bored..
i was reading coffee's blog..
(got this story that caught my eyes..)
and there is this statement

" Relation nowadays are going nowhere because people just want to be in a relation. They are afraid to be alone - they WANT someone to walk by them. Be it emotionally, sexually or physically. "

- author of that story

that's like so true...
and it applies to me..! exactly wad i'm doing..
i'm just bored of alf's company..
no.. actually i'm bored of him giving in to me..
but i can't do without it..
and i mean the company.. not the giving in..
i dunno wad i'm doing now..
searching for the perfect guy?
oh please.. i'm never gonna find him..
i'm more like flirting at every instant when i can..
and i've never been more shallow than now..
i really need to stand against the wall and sort out the trash in my brains..
nononono.. that's not enuff..
i need to cast out the trash..
should i re-accept God into my life?
i still can't bring myself to do it..
but i know if i do that.. it'll mark the beginning of change
the beginning of getting out of this horrible mess..
i somehow need an aim..
which i seriously doesn't have besides doing well for my A levels.. which are like soooo hard to achieve.. (oh.. its never hard.. i'm just giving excuses.. wadeva..)
if marcus can do it.. why can't i?
maybe like i dun believe in myself..
actually i do.. i do believe i can do better, i do believe chem is easy if i study more.. and mechanics is chicken feet once i get it straight..
and seriously, i hate to collect money..
mrs tee is after my ass for the money for the fun fair ticket that less than half a class paid for.. i'm sure i'm gonna be late for school today.. i'll probably turn up hand her the cash and go back.. i'm so sick of school nowadays.. but i'm as sick of home as i'm sick of school..
basically.. i'm sick of this whole world..
and the way it operates..
i feel like giving up..
and just slash my wrist... or my throat...
but i dun dare.. i'm afraid of pain..
that's real silly lah!
maybe more of my silly tots tml..
slp now.. my shoulders just turned into stones and are screaming at me now.. i couldn't stand another sec of sitting.. i need my pillows..
till tonight..