argh.. i'm totally confused now!!

i hope today is not the day. the day i'm getting attached........

xmas is coming.. my results sux!! i think i need to try triple hard next sem. i mean it. triple hard!!!!

weird feeling.

IHG bball choose main team already..

although my intentions was never to get into the main team. i still feel weird.
seem like main team is selected too soon.. *shrug*
but its good to be soon cause less disappointment bah. its another year without any competition experience.. hmm. i guess i will never get to play bball on court again...

come to think of it.. did i ever tried? ohhh.. yah yah. there was this youth cup thing in my j2.. but i dun even remember playing. cause we got shuxian mah.. super zhong feng. where got space for me?

the most i played 3 matches..? less den 5 mins each time bah. and we didn't do enuff drills.. and i just have to admit. i'm damn lousy at bball lah.. *shake head*

hmm. now i just have to be thick skin a bit and stick to them for training. (like what i'm doing for vball.. hehe. but that also means that i wun be involved in any IHGs for this yr)
seem like i just have to wait to be kicked out of hall next year..

hai. if its meant to be its meant to be lah. can't help. i need the hols to work. so obviously can't go for holiday comm alsoz.. la la la.. the most next acdemic yr pia in fac or something den 3rd yr den stay loh. hehe..

tml only 1 training!! how cool!! and rehearsals are cancelled..!! yea!!!!! hehehehe..

can't wait for the tanning session on saturday with the biatches..!!

A new blogskin!!!!

yeah. finally changed. i realised that i love to change my blogskin when i have nothing much to do..

i been having rehearsal after rehearsals until i'm quite yun tou zhuang xiang..

i think from next week onwards. i dun wan to stay for the rehearsals liao. i'm not required also but its good to have more ppl to help read the lines. still haven settle this friday's rehearsals.. hmm. its really tiring sometimes.. but.. JIA YOU girl!!!

was at hV coffee club for a meetup session with huiting and jolene. my long lost sec school besties.. we accidentally run into jye shyang (our sec schoolmate too) who is having his primary school class gathering. haha. so happening!!

guess OAC is not having our outing anymore. *sulk*..

having an early night today cause bball is training at 8am..!!! and squash at 3. vball at 9.. zZzzzz

yah. must settle the being TAGged thingy... i dunno why am i doing this. but...

Rules of the game:
1. post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself
2. at the end, list the names of 5 people who you want next to do this, and leave a "you are tagged" comment and tell them to read your blog for rules"
5 random things bout me.

1. my name is spelt as STACY not stace not stacie and not STACEY!!! haha.. i just have to mention that.. cause too many ppl are getting it wrong. Stace is a short form. so that my name will only have 1 syllabus.. and easier to call.. (can't ask me to spell it as stac right? how to pronounce?)

2. i'm 170cm. but i hate being tall. my aspiration is to marry a decisive man and be the woman behind him. wahaha. (just a tot.. its like just for laughs..)

3. argh.. i'm stuck already.... after thinking for damnnnn long
i used to like fann wong alot. had all her albums and went for her concert. but it was soo long since i even accidentally switch to channel 8 during my channel surfings. i didn't give a damn about sg channels since i got my scv.. my last drama with fann in it is "wo lai ye"

4. i am a PRC. not a fake one. and i'm a singaporean who holds a PINK IC..!i have double citizenship because i'm under 21. i came to singapore since i'm 5. hence i dun sound like one. and yes. i'm the only child.. (bout the name thing. i changed it when i was in sec 3. haha. that's why dun sound like prc..)

5. i was in NPCC during my secondary school days. but franking. i love freedom too much to be in any discipinary-driven CCAs. i love my np-mates but hate my np days..

tze yeong. thanks arh. its damn hard!!!!!!!!!!!

i wanna tag... key. fidel. zhenyang. amylia and timothy!!

saturday.

had a good chat with maxiao. we chit chat from 1am to 4am... (although i know he will never read the below mentioned.. but..)

thanks bud. u're really a good advicer. and u can really be persistant when u're curious..!!
p.s. i try not to speak too much bad things about u if ubother to sing for me again!! wahaha.. was real sweet when u sang the 2 little tigers thing. wahaha..


to linda: thanks girl.. i hope u feel a lot better now!! and i love u too..!!! i may not be always a phone call away. but do spill to me and i will sit there and listen to u always!! might not be a good advicer. but at least can be a good listener. but remember what i say. be dependent on the right person..!! =)


now. i do regret sleeping that late.. cause i almost couldn't wake up for my final bike evaluation. and warm up rounds was damn sucky. but i luckily passed with 18 pts. (that's the max u can get w/o any immediate failures to pass). i guess it was leniency on the part of the instructors. but i believe there was more mistakes den what i did. like wide turning for U-turn. wobble a damn lot during lane changes.. anyways. i booked the test on the 28th. now. need to go change the rehearsal schedules le....

rushed down for bball friendlies with hall 6. started off with the guys. scoring was very tight for the first half. we went out for warm ups at the beginning of 3rd quart. when we come back the game's ending and they lose by 6pts. then it was our turn..

hmm..... well.. i played yet another benched game.. wahaha. (see i predicted that in my last entry..) i guess its the lack of experience in competitions bah. was like so used to being benched sometimes i wonder why i bother to go for friendlies in SA.. must go back for more senior junior matches so i can brush up my skills.. we did.. (or should i use..) they did free style attacking most of the time. lack of communication was quite a hinder in scoring. and i think we just dun have enuff mo qi. although when its all seniors i was alright.. haha.. anyways. the scoring was very slow and at 3rd quart we were only 12-12.. diao. in the end. i think could be the change in ball size and our their lack of stamina.. (okie. i admit.. i feeling sourish..)

didn't have much mood to stay back for dinner and went home straight after that.. i was real tired and fall died straight on my bed... i didn't wake up all the way until sunday 9am..

sunday.

nothing much today. just had breakfast with yuzhen. good to catch up with new friends.. update again later!!

had a real busy day today.

8-11:30
duty at ICE conference. (this is the only time i managed to wake up. strangely enough. i was so tired until i didn't hear my alarm clock at all..!! glad linda called me.. if not i will sleep till the sun goes down.

12-2
had production rehearsal. i subbed as one of the actors. hmm. acting is REAL hard. and its really not my cup of soup bah. (but i tot i loved to act).. i agree that i have alot of expressions. but i really dunno how to react today. although we tried the script for alot of times.

2-4
squash training. only 5 of us. i'm very very very bad at the back hand. and only occassionally able to hit the forehand balls. i'm a bit able to serve the ball. i guess there's alot of effort needed on my part bah.. play one round of squash with yihong. the score was 9-1. guess who is the one lah.. -_-||

4-6
went to queensway to get sports bra. (actually didn't tot of going queensway de. but cause linda went there. in the end bought 1 nike SB and 2 FBT shorts. we so qiao. bought the same colour of SB. and i was thinking of getting a pair of red FBT. and she bought a red FBT too..!! my god. haha.. we're really.. hmm...

6-8
had self practise session at bbdc. firstly arriving 40 mins late for the session (that one i asked for it. no time still wanna go queensway..).. leaving me with only 60 mins to practise for my final evaluation tml. got a bike with super sucky brakes. and i did E brake for my first station of the day. that was a completely dumb action..!! who do E brake when the brake isn't even warmed up..?!? and guess what. i skidded lah. heng was only going at 30kmh. if not can prepare funeral already..

next on i tried S course. first time i went stepping on the foot brake. just trying out. in the end.. completely screwed the 2nd circle and wobble here and there. crank was worse. i hit neutral gear and was wobbling like mad.

my lane change was at all time terrible state.. i think the only thing that can make it was my plank.. haiz................... 8.01 tml morning!!!!! i'm going to FAIL!

8-10
cabbed back to hall to be just in time for time for bball training. we started with shooting. my only can make it spot is under basket.. we did defence after that before we played match against each other. i was really performing badly. but again. i never did perform well ever in a match. maybe only once. when i was still quite fit. and forced to play with seniors against my own team cause they dun have centres.. haiz. how..?

today's training have almost the full team coming down.. and whoa.. its really alot of ppl. never saw so many ppl at a bball training before..!! the import players was real good lah..!! their actions are fast and swift. and they can really da kuai.. while my stamina need to improve another 10000 times before i can play with them..

and my skills need to improve another 100000000000000 times. before i can play in an official match. or its just a off form day..? or maybe the attacking was too of a free play until i dunno what to do also.. haiz. sports makes u happy. and makes u sad at the same time. but.. we humans still love them. maybe i'm just not make out to be competitive sports person... was never in the bball circle anyway..

comes to think of it. i never did blend with my team mates last time. slept through the whole training tour in thailand. never did officially hang out at the ball table. worse than during 1st 3 months. (i think i was either ponning school too much or just stick to linda seek and jars they all too much..). did turn up for half their outings. even when i'm there. there isn't much to say..

my outside team gombak. and place where my bball skills finally got better. actually i do miss the days when coach made us training with ah siao's guys.. its good that we get to use those heavy balls to do our lay up. i tot my left hand layup was like much better after he trained me. but now.. i can do right hand and laugh liao.. i missed jumping over the benches and bricks.. i miss running overhead bridges. i miss my stable footwalk and free throws. i miss the old fitter me. i guess its time i really do tone up..!

its hall 6 games tml. just like another friendly when i only get to sit on the bench (like those days in SA) cause the good players can play for the whole 4 quarts. the most rest for 5 mins.
i'm fine just sitting there. better than going on court and lose face..

actually nothing much to blog about also.

hmm.

training from 5-10 on tuesday.

first training with the bball team after exams. everyone was a bit off form bah? or maybe its just me?? but. when was i ever on form? (even on form also not on court.)
training ended with us learning screen and roll. (my worseeee! drill..)

after that..
my first official vball training since i gave up that sport after a theft incident.
glad that the coach welcomed me (whose not in the team) to learn the sport with them..!!
my arms hurt now..!! but i had fun.. feel abit out of place. afraid that i might be pulling back their progress.. maybe must work harder on my own account??

today..

packed my room.

pei julia go acer building at IBP to repair her laptop.

went for 6.01 bike prac (blur the whole class but pass)

came back play diner dash

suddenly decided to book 7.01 prac. and realise there's one tonight!! but i didn't realise the time when i book the lesson. 9:40 class i book at 9:25. very clever hor. immediately rush out for the class.

did 4 times U turn and 4 times curb side U turn. the curb side one no prob. the road one. sux. only 1st time i did fine. and other 3 times all like shit. so failed. diao.

came back to plan the rehearsal schedule for productions. den nus email dunno what crap problem..!!! damn. i cannot access. so cannot access the casts' schedule also. cause they email me..!! damn damn damn..!!

things are finally clear btw me and xian. after so long. we're better off being normal friends. for the rest of our lives! hahaha.

this is the details. (somewhat there lah)

time: 02:15am 5th Dec 2005

him: u wanna tok to me? (my personal nick is "i really wanna tok to u. if u ever get it")
me: u didn't answer my ques!!
him: when u ask anything?
me: this afternoon..!!
him: i was died on my bed this afternoon (means he didn't see)

(alright benefit of doubt)

me: i want to ask what bout us.
him: oh. sorry. blah blah blah (super off topic stuff lah!!)
me: okie. i get it. dun disturb u liao
him: later u say i didn't tok to u again..
(linda came and interrupt with a few sentences)
me: u're not obliged to tok to me anyways.
him: hmmm
me: i know. we still good friend canz?
him: yup.
him: dun think so much k.
me: i think a lot le. i dun wanna think anymore. actions speaks louder den words and i understand.
blah blah blah.
him: u wan to watch chicken little
me: (complained about zhen watched with her bro liao)
him: we go watch on wednesday wanz? (o.O. change so fast..)
me: alright.
blah blah blah.

the end.

i'm quite happy actually. some ppl are just meant to be friends. this incident make me sort of understand myself better. (i think so).
one thing for sure. i didn't like him that much. cause if i do. i wun be feeling nothing at all after this still quite unclear clarification. In a way. i'm relief. at least i didn't compensate with the friendship.
at least i still have my movie khaki with me. hehe.
hey xianz. friends forever lahz.

i finally took up the courage to ask him. and. he didn't reply... wth..

Exams are finally over. i did feel relief.. but didn't feel as happy as expected.

maybe its him. maybe its me. maybe its just the unfinishing tasks.

came back to hall after my last paper and lunch with freddie. slept all the way until 12midnight (i didn't wake up for my sa bball gathering!!! (regretful)..)

bathe tok abit cock with linda and went back to sleep again..

went suntanning with linda and elaine at sentosa on friday morning.. nothing beats a good suntanning session!!

ate lunch with them at the food court opposite habour front. (budget budget!!)

went home and watch TV after that.. (i was suppose to pack my room for the tenant!!!) and fall asleep. den went for training at gombak..

my hall's bball training clash with the gombak one. meaning i can't train in dec with them!! sian.

came back. (still trying to clean up my room. but failed AGAIN!!) den was chatting with hongseng and yiwei bout xian's stuff..

den yiwei bring up one point. and hongseng another.. so together. i finally found my solutions. that is. just clarify with him loh.

yiwei's right. so what if i can't answer "do u really like him" questions.. because sometimes we like without feeling it..

when i spoke to hongseng. i self realise that. its not he not maintain the r/s. but i not making an effort as well. and i have to play a role in that. and i'm just being too passive..

both yiwei and hongseng said that not all guys will ask again.. (although both of them will!!) and i dun have to tell him straight to the face lah. i just want to clarify things once and for all.
i dun want anymore thoughts on this anymore!! tired le..

no matter what the outcome is. i shall be happy.